Introspective

If you’ve been reading my logs long enough you’ll know I get like this every once and a while. I’m sitting on the bow with my back propped up against my drifter (Large sail in a bag), the sky is full of stars, and I can see flashes of lightning just a few miles away (Coming my way).

Why am I here? Why am I anchored off the island of Contodora, I should be sailing across the Pacific right now. Project BlueSphere is about a guy sailing around the world, it’s not supposed to be about a guy spear fishing & making Sushi for lunch. Hell, for that matter what am I doing on this boat, why aren’t I plugged back into the system getting ready to go back to work in the morning?

Perhaps it presumptuous of me; but I usually conceder myself the one who’s figured it all out, but maybe I haven’t? Maybe I’m just really lost? I know I’ve found freedom, and I know I’m happier then when I was trying to forge a life out of stone back in Hollywood. I’m really relieved I don’t have to worry about bills any more, and I don’t mind having few material objects. But why am I here (contemplating my navel)?

I guess I’m just curious. I feel like I’m back on the right track, but where is tomorrow going?

Crossing the Pacific wasn’t for me this season, God only knows I tried hard enough, but it just didn’t happen.

My past charters have become very good friends of mine and I keep up with them regularly, and I’m excited about sharing what I’ve found with the people who will be joining me onboard Namaste this summer. I’m also very excited about being reunited with my Sister (on my Dad’s side) after so many years. That in itself is worth not crossing the Pacific this year. Or perhaps I’m to help the Kuna? By the way, I found a blurb about the oil thing:

http://www.rigzone.com/news/article.asp?a?id=25530

I feel like I’ve let go again and it feels great! If you’re a “Fight Club” fan you’ll know the scene where Tyler Derden lets go of the steering wheel to see what happens (They crash of course), but it makes total sense to me. Let go, JUST LET GO!!!!!! Tomorrow will still come. Why don’t more of us live our dreams? Why do we feel the need to work our lives away to make money for crap we don’t need? What do we really need, food, water, a place to sleep? I feel like Forrest Gump. I just woke up and started sailing one day.

The thing that scares me is I don’t know that I could ever go back; I don’t even have a driver’s license anymore. I don’t think I could survive back in the system. And doesn’t that sound weird in itself “Back in the system”? When I was in the system I didn’t even know there was a system. It was normal for me to stick a nozzle in my car and pump forty dollars into it after spending a hundred and twenty dollars on dinner, before waking up and going to my eighty dollar a month health club and deciding where to have lunch while walking on a treadmill. THAT SOUNDS SO RDICULIOUS TO ME NOW IT”S NOT EVEN FUNNY!!!!!! If someone put a gun to your head and said “I’m pulling the trigger unless you start living the life you want” What would you do (Also from Fight Club)?

Really, what would you do tomorrow?

Maybe I need to go to sleep, and maybe I have too much time on my hands to think, but maybe we all need to let go and find the path of least resistance, our CHI?

Walk the path of CHI; it’s easy to see if you look for it.

I shot a fat grouper today.

Peace, Love & Chi!