Survivor

Do you remember the show “Survivor”?

They asked the question “If you were to bring one thing to a deserted island, what would it be”? Many people said “a pocket knife”, or, “a lighter”. I swore I’d show up with empty pockets and say “I brought a good attitude” and smile from ear to ear.

I’m kind of pissed drunk, I went out with some friends who said “What the hell are you doing back in Panama” as I dropped the anchor? “My motor quit”. “Oh shit, let me buy you a beer”, and that’s how the evening has gone. “I’m so sorry, maybe it’s nothing”? I’d give a hollow look and say “Maybe”.

I feel like the South Pacific is my unicorn. A mythical beast that will always be just out of my reach. Today when my motor quit it took me almost two hours to jibe and return back to Panama. I thought if I changed course, I would never make the south pacific. How will I continue without my motor I thought? “Just like all the men who did it before me”! The problem would be no more projectbluesphere.com. With no motor I can’t charge the batteries to use my cameras, or computer, no more logs!

Maybe it won’t be so bad, but my oil is burning up, and there is diesel in my exhaust. I’ve known I’ve needed to replace my motor since I started the trip, maybe it’s just time. My friend said “Better to go now, then on the lee of a reef in a strong current in the Tuamotos”. “I suppose” was my reply swirling my beer and looking like my dog just died.

I have to start thinking of options in the morning. I will cross the pacific, but will it be next year, it’s getting late in the season? I’m pretty okay with it I guess, but I defiantly feel like I’d be letting everyone down. I could probably go back and make the money in 6 months, return, and be ready to go by next March.

Everything happens for a reason right?

Who knows, I’m going to pass-out.

Cheers.

Peace, Love, and ?????????

Alex