Tao

Tao means way, or path.

There is no right or wrong path, there is just the path! And every man has a very unique path to walk.

I suppose if I were to choose a religion Taoism would be where my spirituality would connect with philosophy and community.

Life is a river and we must ride it. The difficult part these days is to see it amongst all the distractions of the west.

My life is normally very much in harmony. For years I asked myself, why is Splendid not finished when I work so hard? Why am I stuck in Panama when I dream to return to the Pacific? With time, the answer, and my path were clear. I was simply waiting for Carla.

A new chapter in my life has formed and I must not question it.

I’ve walked many a stoney road, and they always lead me where I need to go. I always grow and become more aware. My road at the moment is riddled with boulders, however I expect great things on the other side.

I have a super-power. My super-power is my ability to listen to nature and see my Tao. The truth is it’s not a super-power at all, and something we all have, but what makes me special is my drive to shut everything off to listen to it. To free-dive deeper, to meditate, and to connect with my peace.

This place I’m at now on the Hudson is so deafened by the sounds of the matrix. Everyone swims in the same direction through a maze of street signs, lights, treats, and rewards. Guided by a man-made river, most people are fueled by “security” and fear, and live very far from the shores of their Tao.

I have however found refuge amongst sailors at the Nyack Boat Club. Sailors and surfers seem to have a connection to nature through wind and wave which is a very unique and spiritual connection to the world.

The wind is very angry and it has commissioned my voice. When I’m knocked down I write, think, and strive to understand. And I believe this is why I am here to battle these winds and waves. Two elements that are usually the closest of friends.

It’s been a long and rough two weeks.

I like to think of myself as a man who is willing to admit his mistakes, and I have made a few in regards to buying this boat. however I firmly believe I’m where I’m supposed to be, walking my path, and I have no regrets.

My biggest mistake was to underestimate the weather on the Hudson. Perhaps I’ve become complacent sailing in tropical destinations, or my path is just particularly thorny at the moment. Either way, I’ve gone through two storms and put myself in an unsafe position each time. One 60kt nor’easter a week ago, and this last one which clocked a whopping 73 knots. It was more recorded wind than hurricane Sandy however it didn’t have the fierce tidal flooding.

A tug-boat sank about a mile away from me, the Cal 31 next to me broke loose and went under the Tapenzee bridge, a power boat flipped over at the hook mountain yacht club, and the little dinghy that I gave to a local kid got destroyed here at the Nyack boat club.

I totally underestimated the power of the nor’easter wind against the 2 knot current of the Hudson River. I had been planning on seeking shelter with Eleanor if a named storm found its way here, but the un-named nor’easters are just as dangerous and should not be taken for granted.

My ass has been thoroughly kicked and handed to me on a silver platter twice in the last two weeks.

I feel like an old book, torn, tattered, and dog-eared. I’m bruised, sprained, and worst of all demoralized. I’m old enough that a bruised ego doesn’t hurt that much, but physically I’m just not an invincible 30 anymore, and that is something I’m just going to have to live with.

It’s also been difficult being without my wife. I’ve never been married and we are just about to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. I can say without a doubt that Carla is my partner, support, love, and family. We have been apart over 5 weeks and it’s just too long to go without my best friend.

I know that this project will pay off and Eleanor will be the most amazing home in the world and take Carla and I where we need to go.

By no means however has it been a bad experience. The most amazing part of this journey has been the Love and friendship that has seeped out of the most surprising corners. This proves to me that my path is sound, and that I am here to help a few people on their way as I travel south.

My time here on the Hudson would be totally safe if I had a working engine. There are plenty of places for me to find protection from the wind and waves, I just can’t get to them.

I got the motor back yesterday. It is shiny, and most importantly runs perfect on the dyno. I got a bit of bad news last night. My new European exhaust manifold/heat exchanger/coolant tank interferes with my intake manifold. We are going to cut off part of the intake manifold, redesign it, and weld it in a conducive manner. It really isn’t as big of a deal as it sounds.

A new friend helped me pick up the motor with his van, and we brought it back to the Nyack boat club where it sits on the shore.

The plan is to get it onboard with the morning hi-tide, and get towed back to the mooring where my friend Darryl and I will finish the installation. I believe I’m about a week from being mobile, and being able to leave the Hudson River for ports south, and finally see my wife.

On my way to pick up the engine I stopped in Somerville (NJ) to see my uncle Sasha. Somerville is the only place I have ever consistently returned to throughout my life. Sasha is my closest relative, and a man I love dearly. My relationship with him has become too distant and it strains my heart. In the following weeks I must find a way to spend more time with him, and hopefully introduce him to Carla.

My uncle Sasha (Alex) reminded me of something.

My Ukrainian linage is a strongly nomadic one.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Ukrainian_nationality#Nomads

Living a nomadic lifestyle is seated deep in my DNA. That accompanied with my American Indian blood, makes me who I am. “Live free or die” is printed on the New Hampshire license plates, these words always made a direct connection to my heart.

We will all turn to dust. The only power we have is to be able to enjoy the gift of life, pursue and experience Love, and pass on with a full heart. There is nothing more.

I have a new friend here (Tom) who is about to pull the plug. He just bought an Irwin on eBay. He was very interested in Eleanor and made a few offers. He tells me he was surprised when he heard a man from Panama bought her sight-unseen. The following week he bought his Irwin on eBay and is about to pull the plug on the house, truck, bills, and conventional work thing.

I can’t say what another man should do, or shouldn’t . All I can say is that if anyone finds themselves drawn to the sea with little money, doubt, and needs a friend, I’m always here. The last 12 years of Project BlueSphere have been about me trying to light the way to a very unconventional path.

All men are not equal! And we are not all capable of succeeding in a system that is unnatural to us. I am a nomad. I am no more capable of going to an office every day, than I am picking up a gun and killing other men because I am told to do so over some sort of border, religious affair, or oil issue.

Just because you are different, just because you are the “black sheep” and just because you can’t succeed in a system that is based on money, greed, and corruption, surely does not make you a failure of any kind. It just means you need to get out of the system where you will find peace, and time to fly.

My last storm aboard Eleanor was very traumatic. It was traumatic because I was helpless. I keep my boats in such a way that I have options, redundancy. If one thing fails, I have two alternatives. Eleanor has not received the benefit of my hand yet. She is still very basic, and without a motor I am helpless on the river. I am unable to move, hoist my anchor, or find shelter.

My hands are still shaking two days after the ordeal, and I am no newcomer to weather. I am however, not used to being helpless aboard my ship. It’s my fault, I underestimated the Hudson River.

During the storm I returned to Patagonia in my head. I was at my sister-in-law’s cabin playing with the children in the springtime. I know if I were ever to return to land, it would be to Patagonia where I would build a cabin and teach children to sail on the lake.

Where will tomorrow lead me?

Peace

-alex

Published in Alex Dorsey