No images today, just words.
Carla and I were watching a movie last night (No strings attached).
It was shot in LA and Santa Barbara. I lived in Santa Barbara for four years while attending college and spent my adult life in Southern California. The movie got me thinking of how far, and for how long, I’ve been living outside of western society and away from “home”.
To casually go to a restaurant or drive down the highway with the feel of German leather at my back is such a distant memory it seems like a dream. To dial in any ambient temperature I want or to take a hot shower every day are luxuries of the far and distant past.
I had trouble sleeping after the movie. I was a bit homesick for California however I know I’m not able to return. Anchoring for free on the west coast is not a common practice unless you’re in the channel islands.
Almost everything one can do requires money, work, insurance, credit, a license, and a home address. I couldn’t even fish without as license. I’m a free man, but an indigent one. I’m on the outside looking in. When I wipe away the dust on the window to look inside at my past everything seems so clean, manicured, and comfortable. But at what cost? Alarm clocks & calendars don’t rule in my world. “Law & fear” aren’t concerns. My world is ruled by weather, tide, desire, and dreams. Live by the sword, and die by it, right? Sounds like good odds.
How is it I found this lovely lady to spend my non-conformist life with? Why am I granted the luxuries of freedom, a warm sea, a beautiful sailboat and peace? These questions rolled around in the corners of my conscious, and unconscious, as I tossed and turned all night.
This immense conundrum has stuck in my thoughts throughout this day. I know it doesn’t sound like me at all, but I used to really enjoy shopping for clothes, the feel of a fresh shirt, sitting down at a café for lunch, or exploring a new restaurant for dinner.
I’ll be turning 47 in a few months and the reality of ever plugging back in is not much of a reality at all! I’m in a “sink or swim” situation entering the last 1/3 of my life. Why am I not concerned?
I guess I’m not concerned because I find my life interesting. People have often asked me what would happen if I was diagnosed with a fatal disease or my boat sunk as I don’t have insurance and my answer has always simply been, “I’ll die, or walk”.
In no way do I think my lifestyle is for everyone. It’s just the path I’ve chosen. Something in the pit of my stomach and the deepest corner of my heart has lead me. I have a very strong sense of direction save the fact my compass never points North.
It’s time for Carla and I to move on. My heart is breaking here in the San Blas. The fate of the Kuna is not a good one. They will make the transition from indigenous to poverty as planned and I just can’t watch it. The change here from eight years ago is immense, however I can gauge the change from month to month. The Kuna are becoming more hungry for fuel, sugar, and the good ole American dollar. Friendship and trade are not so important.
All I can do is move on and keep the beauty of the last free culture alive in my memory, my heart, and in my dreams.
My wedding is another funny thing. Carla and I want the “anti-wedding”. Truthfully, neither of us like traditional weddings or what they represent. Carla keeps having to remind everyone in her family that she doesn’t want anyone to spend any money on us. “Just a simple tea-party in a beautiful space where friends & family will come together. No gifts, no service, no expense, and no stress”.
I suppose not having the feel of German leather at my back, “climate” at my fingertips, or having to prepare my own food is a small price to pay for freedom. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard sometimes when I want a new laptop or something “comfortable”, and I often have to weigh “want” and “need” when I don’t really care to, but this is the course I’ve chosen, and funnily enough the course Carla has chosen. Carla flourishes in my world and that’s a rare gift, why am I so lucky?
My compass points West. All things we do from this point on will lead us into the Pacific. My focus is on a haul-out and readying Splendid to journey into the Pacific. I called a Panama Canal agent yesterday and the fee for the canal has almost doubled in the last year. It will cost Splendid $1,500 to make the transit and I’ll need to find 3 able line-handlers for the two day voyage into the Pacific ocean.
We are going to sail for Linton soon. I have to do some work on the settee so it converts to a double bed, and hopefully put the final touch on the water maker. Then we may have to do a couple of backpacker runs to Cartagena and back to afford the transit but it’s time to move-on. Most of our friends are planning to transit the Canal in the next six months as well.
After spending some time in Pacific Panama it’s off to Costa Rica for surfing, after that, who knows?
It’s good to be a sailor 
Peace my friends.
– alex