No images today, just words.
Carla and I were watching a movie last night (No strings attached).
It was shot in LA and Santa Barbara. I lived in Santa Barbara for four years while attending college and spent my adult life in Southern California. The movie got me thinking of how far, and for how long, I’ve been living outside of western society and away from “home”.
To casually go to a restaurant or drive down the highway with the feel of German leather at my back is such a distant memory it seems like a dream. To dial in any ambient temperature I want or to take a hot shower every day are luxuries of the far and distant past.
I had trouble sleeping after the movie. I was a bit homesick for California however I know I’m not able to return. Anchoring for free on the west coast is not a common practice unless you’re in the channel islands.
Almost everything one can do requires money, work, insurance, credit, a license, and a home address. I couldn’t even fish without as license. I’m a free man, but an indigent one. I’m on the outside looking in. When I wipe away the dust on the window to look inside at my past everything seems so clean, manicured, and comfortable. But at what cost? Alarm clocks & calendars don’t rule in my world. “Law & fear” aren’t concerns. My world is ruled by weather, tide, desire, and dreams. Live by the sword, and die by it, right? Sounds like good odds.
How is it I found this lovely lady to spend my non-conformist life with? Why am I granted the luxuries of freedom, a warm sea, a beautiful sailboat and peace? These questions rolled around in the corners of my conscious, and unconscious, as I tossed and turned all night.
This immense conundrum has stuck in my thoughts throughout this day. I know it doesn’t sound like me at all, but I used to really enjoy shopping for clothes, the feel of a fresh shirt, sitting down at a café for lunch, or exploring a new restaurant for dinner.
I’ll be turning 47 in a few months and the reality of ever plugging back in is not much of a reality at all! I’m in a “sink or swim” situation entering the last 1/3 of my life. Why am I not concerned?
I guess I’m not concerned because I find my life interesting. People have often asked me what would happen if I was diagnosed with a fatal disease or my boat sunk as I don’t have insurance and my answer has always simply been, “I’ll die, or walk”.
In no way do I think my lifestyle is for everyone. It’s just the path I’ve chosen. Something in the pit of my stomach and the deepest corner of my heart has lead me. I have a very strong sense of direction save the fact my compass never points North.
It’s time for Carla and I to move on. My heart is breaking here in the San Blas. The fate of the Kuna is not a good one. They will make the transition from indigenous to poverty as planned and I just can’t watch it. The change here from eight years ago is immense, however I can gauge the change from month to month. The Kuna are becoming more hungry for fuel, sugar, and the good ole American dollar. Friendship and trade are not so important.
All I can do is move on and keep the beauty of the last free culture alive in my memory, my heart, and in my dreams.
My wedding is another funny thing. Carla and I want the “anti-wedding”. Truthfully, neither of us like traditional weddings or what they represent. Carla keeps having to remind everyone in her family that she doesn’t want anyone to spend any money on us. “Just a simple tea-party in a beautiful space where friends & family will come together. No gifts, no service, no expense, and no stress”.
I suppose not having the feel of German leather at my back, “climate” at my fingertips, or having to prepare my own food is a small price to pay for freedom. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard sometimes when I want a new laptop or something “comfortable”, and I often have to weigh “want” and “need” when I don’t really care to, but this is the course I’ve chosen, and funnily enough the course Carla has chosen. Carla flourishes in my world and that’s a rare gift, why am I so lucky?
My compass points West. All things we do from this point on will lead us into the Pacific. My focus is on a haul-out and readying Splendid to journey into the Pacific. I called a Panama Canal agent yesterday and the fee for the canal has almost doubled in the last year. It will cost Splendid $1,500 to make the transit and I’ll need to find 3 able line-handlers for the two day voyage into the Pacific ocean.
We are going to sail for Linton soon. I have to do some work on the settee so it converts to a double bed, and hopefully put the final touch on the water maker. Then we may have to do a couple of backpacker runs to Cartagena and back to afford the transit but it’s time to move-on. Most of our friends are planning to transit the Canal in the next six months as well.
After spending some time in Pacific Panama it’s off to Costa Rica for surfing, after that, who knows?
It’s good to be a sailor 
Peace my friends.
– alex
Published in Alex Dorsey
There are many days I’m am jealous of your freedom. The enslavement of the system really grinds some days. You’re completely correct. Money for everything, insure, license and tax it all for more than it’s worth. It’s really great to see how you and Carla are living and that it can be simpler. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!
Good try Alex but it’ll be 48 this year ;-)
Voytec, (Namaste’s new owner).
We are in the same boat amigo :) I’m really happy you and Namaste are on your way.
Sara5171,
It is a high price to pay for sure. We watched Avatar last night, what a beautiful story. Only in reality the Indigiouns don’t win in the end :(
Peace
I have followed you from the beginning. You alwasy say you are so lucky. I like to think that good fortune has come your way because of you. You have always worked hard for what you love and needed. You’re a dreamer who has followed their dream. You’re a good man that has sought and found a good woman. There is no path that any man may find himself on, that is perfect nor easy. You followed your dream, were good to your fellow man and you have worked hard for everything you have dreamed. In my opinion, luck has had little to do with it. I have pride in just calling you a distant friend. Finding dreamers who are also good humans, that are willing to work hard for it, is something worth savoring and being thankful for. I am LUCKY that my first issue of L&A had a ‘Project Bluesphere’ article in it.
I think the longer the distance between who we were in the past and who we are today, the more precious the people, places and tangible objects that connect us to that person becomes. Though I don’t think that dwelling on it is healthy, a literal trip down memory lane can be good for the soul.
I myself spent a good part of my adult life in SoCal and have a lot of strong emotions connecting me to the place. Not all of them good, but enough to make me miss it. Due to this, for years I wanted to move back. Eventually I put enough money together to fly back for a few days to see if returning was viable. And you know what? The most unexpected thing happened. I fell back into the rhythm of the city almost instantly. The roads, the buildings, my old haunts. They came back and surrounded me like a well worn coat, it was as if I never left. But instead of making me want to stay – and I could have, I still knew enough people to make it happen – it made me realize that this was my past. Though it would have been a fine life back in the city, may be even better than before, everything it had to offer was something I no longer needed.
Alex,
Next month I will be celebrating my 46th trip around the sun and I figure that I am less than half-way through my journey… not sure where you got your 1/3 figure from but then I look at the glass half full for that matter…
I have followed your blog from the beginning and wish you and Carla all the best in your journey and adventures in the many years to come!!
Fair winds and following seas!!
Jim
Woot, back in linton with 3G internet!!!!!!!!!
We had a brisk sailing day yesterday, 45 miles or so in a nice 20knots of wind and 8-10′ sea. You can see the trip on the “current location” page.
It’s good to be back. My motorcycle is all rusty and needs some love. And Carla and I are going to dive into some projects.
Jeff, thanks for the kind words. I do believe in busting your ass to get what you want, however I feel quite lucky as well.
Man its a treet to have some internet!!!!
http://www.yachtworld.com/boats/1977/Gulfstar-43-Mark-11-2573033/St-Augustine/FL/United-Statesorwww.yachtworld.com/core/listing/boatMergedDetails.jsp?boat_id=2436243&ybw=&units=Feet¤cy=USD&access=Public&listing_id=59129&url= …..the deal on my boat fell through, but the season is coming so as soon as it does sell I will start shopping……I may fish this summer in Astoria and then head out south…..Cook islands via Hilo, Palmyra and the line islands is the current dream……meet me in Palmyra?my cousin says it was her plan all along for me to buy a sailboat and sail to the Cook islands where she will meet me for a month.G
Good Morning from SW Florida…
Very nice post Alex. Good thoughts from a great guy that has made a difference in a lot of people.
Welcome back to Linton. I’ve heard over the years on your posts your heart breaking watching the people of the San Blass making way for the world to swallow them up. A real shame, but when it starts it’s like a cancer and will be hard to stop. Just bless ’em and move on is all you can do.
Sounds like you and Carla have taken the time to change your world and plans are set for the moment. But as always it will be cool to watch ’em change as you progress. Your the master.
I’m from CA originally. Sailed out of Long Beach and there really is no where to go or stay that doesn’t cost a fortune except the back side of Catalina. Even then it a mooring. So it’s a great place to sail, but I’m not going back. I visit family out there once a year, that’s about it.
I’m on port light #2 today. Using the NewFoundMetal Tri-Matrix. So far so good, we’ll see. I’ve got 9 more to put in of the 7×15’s and then 7 of the smaller ones. It’s a project, but self-sealing ports are new to me and no goo or sealant. A gasket on the outer ring. Go figure. I love it.
Anyway, welcome back to your little anchorage, take good care of each other and I’ll meet you on Skype sometime and we can catch up. Charter on, pays the bills.
Capt. Paul
s/v Panacea
Sad to hear what is happening and it is like a cancer.
It swallowed Africa and now the Kuna. Good luck in your travels.