“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to loose” (Janis Joplin, “me and Bobby Mcgee”).
Can you believe this was me? I was about twenty six shooting my student film “Quiet Winter”. I remember that day, all I wanted to do was make films, what happened?
I haven’t been watching any movies lately. I used to usually watch a film before I’d go to sleep, or when the girls were here we always had “family” movie night watching something child appropriate while nibbling on popcorn. I NEVER watch television, or listen to the news any more!
After Sam and I broke up I stopped watching films all together. I spend most of my days on the reef, working on the boat, rocking in the hammock, or perhaps writing. The nights have been difficult as the eco’s of the girls still vibrate through Splendid and it often makes me quite sad. I’m getting over a negative drinking phase which is really not like me, and not conducive to the healing process that I pray would pass in the next hour. I really don’t like alcohol much and rarely took a drink when I met Sam, maybe three or four a week. The years of freedom that I had were better then any alcohol or any drug I’ve known. That being said my drinking and trying to suppress my feelings have hopefully come to an end. After endless hours, days, and weeks I’ve found some of the answers I’ve been looking for and they allow me to sleep at night once again. I’m starting to feel better!
I watched a film last night for the first time in a while, a few weeks. I usually pass out in the hammock on deck and only go to my bed if the rain or wind get too uncomfortable. The stars have been much better company.
It was a war film I tried to watch. I had to turn it off after half an hour. I just don’t want anymore negative $h!t in my life! Every day in the states I was bombarded by terrorism, war, gangs, drugs, police beating up my sister, and my uncle was thrown out of his home for lack of tax payment. The house that I grew up in, and my grandparents proudly spent their life paying off was sold at auction for pittance because my uncle wasn’t mentally or physically capable of working enough to pay a few grand a year. We all found out too late. No more “non” ex-husbands to deal with, and no more being shaken down by the police for just trying to live peacefully and anchor in a beautiful bay with my family. I’ve heard since I left Florida, they have “lightened up” on the cruising community and things are much better. Boat US played a big part in winning back some freedom/rights for the cruising community and fought hard in court. Chalk one up for the cruisers, thank God!
Freedom…, why am I so hung up on it? Why do I need it so intently? These are other questions that have been rolling around the dusty corners of my thoughts as I spend hours gazing at the night sky. My father left when I was 4 and we had a few short stints of what you might call a “relationship” until I was about thirty-four. I haven’t talked to him in a decade or so. I may call him because I want the answer to two questions. I can’t remember if he had prostate or colon cancer (my doctor wants to know). My mother died of lung cancer (non-smoker) and I’m a bit cancer phobic. Raging seas, no problem, cancer…, bad. I also know I have a Native American bloodline on my fathers side. When I was a child I knew the name of the Indian tribe but have forgotten; I’d like to know again. On my mothers side I’m Ukrainian and Russian. My mother grew up in Paris and came to the USA when she was about 14. But this American Indian ancestry has me thinking? I’m interested and it may hold some of the secrets to answers that I’m looking for. I hear they can trace bloodlines through DNA testing, I’m interested in this. Perhaps this is why I’m so connected to the indigenous way of life? One thing that I’ve learned in my travels is that races of people are not the same, not even remotely. I’m not racist by any means, but people are different! I know it’s not “politically” correct to say such a thing. Do all men deserve the same opportunity, absolutely, are we different, absolutely, and it’s beautiful! One race is not “better” than another just different. My God, what kind of world would it be if we were all the same, or believed the same things? Without cultural or spiritual diversity the world would be a boring place to sail around!
My closing words for the last article I wrote for Latitudes and Attitudes were “Fear guards the gates of freedom”. If we are afraid of being broke, loosing our jobs, not having health insurance, terrorism, communism, blacks, Mexicans, Columbians, police, laws, killer bees, H1N1, or whatever…, “they” have won, and our souls are doomed to the “matrix”. Many westerners (Americans/Europeans) pay for security from fear with liberty; this makes no sense to me, such a cost! Keep people fearful, divide them and conquer them. I believe that was Napoleon’s theory, and one that obviously works very well. Republicans VS Democrats, Christians VS Judaism, Blacks VS Whites, Americans VS what ever people we are fighting at the time. For Gods sakes, no matter which way you slice it we are all just people! We all want the same thing. Peace, freedom, and a healthy environment to raise our families. I can’t watch war films, the news, or these horrendous reality shows like cops, or where people reenact serial killings. This programming is unnatural and poisons to our spirit. Even “Romantic” comedies lead us to believe in unrealistic relationships and ways of life. The last time I had a television was when I was living in Canada. All I really watched was the travel channel, history channel, and discovery. I’d watch a few films here and there but not so often, Entertainment? Why not spend the very little and precious time that most of us “don’t have” bettering ourselves as human beings, and I’m not talking about reading the latest CIA novel. History and philosophy should be what we seek for in entertainment? Why isn’t philosophy required teaching in public schools?
Some of you might remember my friend Aki, the Japanese man from my last film. Aki was a Japanese fighter pilot turned general, and ultimately became the Japanese attaché in Washington. He is really an amazing man. We used to have great discussions about the world drinking my home made sake that tasted like it was strained through old gym socks, and making sushi from whatever we speared that day, good times, BAD sake! He told me I needed to “fight a war with my words”. Maybe he was right?
I want to start a revolution! A revolution where people throw away the things that bind our minds and spirits from growing, and we search for our own personal freedoms and conquer our fears through knowledge! This is why we…, I might need to talk about politics & religion, this is very important to me. Perhaps I need to start a blog “off site”, and separate it from Project BlueSphere? Television is the first thing that has to go, “entertainment” and “news” is a distraction from what we all need to focus on, reality! Some people told me in the last few months that I don’t live in “reality”, wow, really? That really amazes me. I think its the other way around!
“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to loose”
Perhaps many of us have too much and need to rid our lives of such things. Who was it that said “we don’t own our possessions, they own us”?
When I was in Los Angeles I spent a lot of time talking to homeless people on the beach. I used to bike and rollerblade between Marina Del Rey and Malibu for many years. Some homeless are there because of alcohol or drug dependency, some because of mental illness, but not all of them. Some of them are just there because they prefer it to working and owning things. I always told myself I’d do a documentary on the American homeless population and wish I had. I was chasing the dollar to much back then and never got around to it. Funny…, I didn’t have the time to do something that was important to me, where is the logic in that? I had too many bills to pay.
Anyway, my point is we allow too much negative energy into our lives which is incredibly distracting to our personal growth and goals. We shouldn’t divide ourselves from our fellow man or suppress our feelings with drugs (alcohol), legal or not. That goes for bong hits as well as negative drinking! By no means am I against marijuana, personally I think its less destructive and invasive than alcohol, but moderation in all vices is important. I don’t like giving up too much control of my free will. I did watch a few seasons of that show weeds, wow, some people are actually like that. Speaking of which we need to be more careful with the programming we let into our lives and our children’s lives. This certainly goes for video games and cartoons. Do we really need to teach our children to take sides weather it be robots VS aliens, first person shooters, or cowboys VS Indians? The world is not a bad or evil place and what we should be afraid of is the damn television! It’s pure poison! We are raising our children to become “usandthemians” cool word eah its mine? Life isn’t about us against them. It’s about being free, happy, and healthy. Take some advice from a “crazy” man that doesn’t live in “reality”. This advice is some that I’ve needed lately and I’m going to take a good dose myself.
It’s raining hard today. The seemingly “dry” rainy season has turned and we are getting a good downpour. I’m hoping to fill up Splendid’s water tanks today.
I have a great cruiser/poor people tip from my buddy Jim next door. I had mentioned I needed to go to the eye doctor and finally get glasses. Readers just don’t do it for me and I need full time glasses as well. For two pairs of glasses and the test it’s about eighty bucks. He said the test is only 10 bucks, the rest are the glasses. He went to the eye doctor for the test and got the prescription only. Once he had the prescription he went to the dollar store and bought two pairs of identical readers (different magnifications), one that matched each eye, popped the lenses out, and maid a pair of prescription glasses for two bucks. How cool is that? I’m going to give it a shot, anything to save a few bucks.
Anyway, life has been really simple lately, quiet too, alone in my thoughts. It’s quite a luxury to have time to think, so few of us actually have it. Being alone is still quite foreign to me, strange for a single-hander eah?
I really did love those girls and it was a beautiful time in my life, for that I’m grateful.
Peace, Love, and KILL THE TV!
– Alex