“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to loose” (Janis Joplin, “me and Bobby Mcgee”).
Can you believe this was me? I was about twenty six shooting my student film “Quiet Winter”. I remember that day, all I wanted to do was make films, what happened?
I haven’t been watching any movies lately. I used to usually watch a film before I’d go to sleep, or when the girls were here we always had “family” movie night watching something child appropriate while nibbling on popcorn. I NEVER watch television, or listen to the news any more!
After Sam and I broke up I stopped watching films all together. I spend most of my days on the reef, working on the boat, rocking in the hammock, or perhaps writing. The nights have been difficult as the eco’s of the girls still vibrate through Splendid and it often makes me quite sad. I’m getting over a negative drinking phase which is really not like me, and not conducive to the healing process that I pray would pass in the next hour. I really don’t like alcohol much and rarely took a drink when I met Sam, maybe three or four a week. The years of freedom that I had were better then any alcohol or any drug I’ve known. That being said my drinking and trying to suppress my feelings have hopefully come to an end. After endless hours, days, and weeks I’ve found some of the answers I’ve been looking for and they allow me to sleep at night once again. I’m starting to feel better!
I watched a film last night for the first time in a while, a few weeks. I usually pass out in the hammock on deck and only go to my bed if the rain or wind get too uncomfortable. The stars have been much better company.
It was a war film I tried to watch. I had to turn it off after half an hour. I just don’t want anymore negative $h!t in my life! Every day in the states I was bombarded by terrorism, war, gangs, drugs, police beating up my sister, and my uncle was thrown out of his home for lack of tax payment. The house that I grew up in, and my grandparents proudly spent their life paying off was sold at auction for pittance because my uncle wasn’t mentally or physically capable of working enough to pay a few grand a year. We all found out too late. No more “non” ex-husbands to deal with, and no more being shaken down by the police for just trying to live peacefully and anchor in a beautiful bay with my family. I’ve heard since I left Florida, they have “lightened up” on the cruising community and things are much better. Boat US played a big part in winning back some freedom/rights for the cruising community and fought hard in court. Chalk one up for the cruisers, thank God!
Freedom…, why am I so hung up on it? Why do I need it so intently? These are other questions that have been rolling around the dusty corners of my thoughts as I spend hours gazing at the night sky. My father left when I was 4 and we had a few short stints of what you might call a “relationship” until I was about thirty-four. I haven’t talked to him in a decade or so. I may call him because I want the answer to two questions. I can’t remember if he had prostate or colon cancer (my doctor wants to know). My mother died of lung cancer (non-smoker) and I’m a bit cancer phobic. Raging seas, no problem, cancer…, bad. I also know I have a Native American bloodline on my fathers side. When I was a child I knew the name of the Indian tribe but have forgotten; I’d like to know again. On my mothers side I’m Ukrainian and Russian. My mother grew up in Paris and came to the USA when she was about 14. But this American Indian ancestry has me thinking? I’m interested and it may hold some of the secrets to answers that I’m looking for. I hear they can trace bloodlines through DNA testing, I’m interested in this. Perhaps this is why I’m so connected to the indigenous way of life? One thing that I’ve learned in my travels is that races of people are not the same, not even remotely. I’m not racist by any means, but people are different! I know it’s not “politically” correct to say such a thing. Do all men deserve the same opportunity, absolutely, are we different, absolutely, and it’s beautiful! One race is not “better” than another just different. My God, what kind of world would it be if we were all the same, or believed the same things? Without cultural or spiritual diversity the world would be a boring place to sail around!
My closing words for the last article I wrote for Latitudes and Attitudes were “Fear guards the gates of freedom”. If we are afraid of being broke, loosing our jobs, not having health insurance, terrorism, communism, blacks, Mexicans, Columbians, police, laws, killer bees, H1N1, or whatever…, “they” have won, and our souls are doomed to the “matrix”. Many westerners (Americans/Europeans) pay for security from fear with liberty; this makes no sense to me, such a cost! Keep people fearful, divide them and conquer them. I believe that was Napoleon’s theory, and one that obviously works very well. Republicans VS Democrats, Christians VS Judaism, Blacks VS Whites, Americans VS what ever people we are fighting at the time. For Gods sakes, no matter which way you slice it we are all just people! We all want the same thing. Peace, freedom, and a healthy environment to raise our families. I can’t watch war films, the news, or these horrendous reality shows like cops, or where people reenact serial killings. This programming is unnatural and poisons to our spirit. Even “Romantic” comedies lead us to believe in unrealistic relationships and ways of life. The last time I had a television was when I was living in Canada. All I really watched was the travel channel, history channel, and discovery. I’d watch a few films here and there but not so often, Entertainment? Why not spend the very little and precious time that most of us “don’t have” bettering ourselves as human beings, and I’m not talking about reading the latest CIA novel. History and philosophy should be what we seek for in entertainment? Why isn’t philosophy required teaching in public schools?
Some of you might remember my friend Aki, the Japanese man from my last film. Aki was a Japanese fighter pilot turned general, and ultimately became the Japanese attaché in Washington. He is really an amazing man. We used to have great discussions about the world drinking my home made sake that tasted like it was strained through old gym socks, and making sushi from whatever we speared that day, good times, BAD sake! He told me I needed to “fight a war with my words”. Maybe he was right?
I want to start a revolution! A revolution where people throw away the things that bind our minds and spirits from growing, and we search for our own personal freedoms and conquer our fears through knowledge! This is why we…, I might need to talk about politics & religion, this is very important to me. Perhaps I need to start a blog “off site”, and separate it from Project BlueSphere? Television is the first thing that has to go, “entertainment” and “news” is a distraction from what we all need to focus on, reality! Some people told me in the last few months that I don’t live in “reality”, wow, really? That really amazes me. I think its the other way around!
“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to loose”
Perhaps many of us have too much and need to rid our lives of such things. Who was it that said “we don’t own our possessions, they own us”?
When I was in Los Angeles I spent a lot of time talking to homeless people on the beach. I used to bike and rollerblade between Marina Del Rey and Malibu for many years. Some homeless are there because of alcohol or drug dependency, some because of mental illness, but not all of them. Some of them are just there because they prefer it to working and owning things. I always told myself I’d do a documentary on the American homeless population and wish I had. I was chasing the dollar to much back then and never got around to it. Funny…, I didn’t have the time to do something that was important to me, where is the logic in that? I had too many bills to pay.
Anyway, my point is we allow too much negative energy into our lives which is incredibly distracting to our personal growth and goals. We shouldn’t divide ourselves from our fellow man or suppress our feelings with drugs (alcohol), legal or not. That goes for bong hits as well as negative drinking! By no means am I against marijuana, personally I think its less destructive and invasive than alcohol, but moderation in all vices is important. I don’t like giving up too much control of my free will. I did watch a few seasons of that show weeds, wow, some people are actually like that. Speaking of which we need to be more careful with the programming we let into our lives and our children’s lives. This certainly goes for video games and cartoons. Do we really need to teach our children to take sides weather it be robots VS aliens, first person shooters, or cowboys VS Indians? The world is not a bad or evil place and what we should be afraid of is the damn television! It’s pure poison! We are raising our children to become “usandthemians” cool word eah its mine? Life isn’t about us against them. It’s about being free, happy, and healthy. Take some advice from a “crazy” man that doesn’t live in “reality”. This advice is some that I’ve needed lately and I’m going to take a good dose myself.
It’s raining hard today. The seemingly “dry” rainy season has turned and we are getting a good downpour. I’m hoping to fill up Splendid’s water tanks today.
I have a great cruiser/poor people tip from my buddy Jim next door. I had mentioned I needed to go to the eye doctor and finally get glasses. Readers just don’t do it for me and I need full time glasses as well. For two pairs of glasses and the test it’s about eighty bucks. He said the test is only 10 bucks, the rest are the glasses. He went to the eye doctor for the test and got the prescription only. Once he had the prescription he went to the dollar store and bought two pairs of identical readers (different magnifications), one that matched each eye, popped the lenses out, and maid a pair of prescription glasses for two bucks. How cool is that? I’m going to give it a shot, anything to save a few bucks.
Anyway, life has been really simple lately, quiet too, alone in my thoughts. It’s quite a luxury to have time to think, so few of us actually have it. Being alone is still quite foreign to me, strange for a single-hander eah?
I really did love those girls and it was a beautiful time in my life, for that I’m grateful.
Peace, Love, and KILL THE TV!
– Alex
I hear you Alex. I have wrote to you several times. I have followed you from the beginning. On 10/9/2010 would have been my 20th anniversary with my second wife and the mother of our 6 year old daughter Kailani Jean. Kailani means heavinly ocean in Hawaiin. I am a sailor that had a 36 foot Islander when I met the mother of our child. I had a quadruple heart bypass when our daughter was one year old. My wife left us and took her when I went to a 6 month check up after my heart surgery. I came home and they were loading up a moving truck. She found some richer man and now they are married. I long to live your life and it is still my dream.
I want to thank you for allowing me to join you from an arm chair view point. I check your website and logs daily and I get such joy out of hearing about your trials and tribulations. Your not alone my friend as you loyal readers have told you. Keep up your quest and adventure and I trully hope that If my dream comes true that we will cross paths in the San Blas Islands, which are the last remote place.
Thank you Sir,
Dean
RIGHT ON !!!!!!!!!!
Welcome back
time for cartagena yet?
well said, except that song was written by Kris Kristofferson, but Janis did it right. Now there’s two free spirits for ya.
Has I read your words, it comes truly to me that “Writting” is your gift along with being a sailor. I feel your pain, but I see your glory. You say you’ve chosen this life, I disagree, I feel that everyone of us, was born with a calling. You may have abilities, but only one calling. Yours is “Writting” the words seem to flow like waters racing down a mountain side. In the movie”A River runs thru it” a line was spoken at the end of the movie, “Beneth the rocks tells the story” Alex, life has a way to bring you back to your calling, I feel that, that is where you are in your life right now. As you try to recover listen to your calling, Writting, is a way your soul is released and your heart cleaned out. Your so close, I read your words, and their becoming more clear to me that your finding your purpose. You speak of freedom, if your not free of your own demans, bad thoughts, negitive ways, then your not free at all. I know from reading your blogs from the start that your calling is awaiting for the day, that the words spring off the paper or screen and touch you. Allow the words to clean out your feelings, for thats all they are, the place, you can’t change them, so don’t allow them to damage your abilities. I know I can’t spell good, but I try, but I do know words free us from whatever we’re going thru. So Alex, continue to write, we will read every word, feel every feeling, and see your growth. We are your freind, we are your followers, we are human. Don’t surpress your likes, and dislikes, but reach out to the sea, for you have gone to far to turn back, we wish you the best. Life is good, I can’t wait till you upload a few pics, or video’s of the place your in, man I need to dream Alex, and so do others. So go, go take some pics, and notice just how wonderful life really is, Live free, Live happy, but write……
I find most of whats on TV is not worth watching, I do watch a little. Its more interresting to listen to my old Kennwood HF radio.
You don’t need a seperate blog Blue sphere is you its all about your travels your feelings, it comes from your brain and heart.
The world is a mess for sure the politics here in the US are in the head for sure and not getting any better.
Alex just keep doing what you do best.
I know for a fact that there is someone for everyone. I had given up on love and one day it happened it just happened and if that wasent enought she is a sailor.
It will happen.
Keep the faith.
Alex, you have made a difference, at least in my life. I have been following your blog for years, since the beginning, and have both of your DVD’s. For years I have lived vicariously through you. Recently, however, your writings really began to resonate with me. I watched your DVD’s again, twice. I thought hard about all you said about life and freedom and priorities. On my birthday, Sept 28, I sent a contribution to your sailing kitty (thanks for the shout out by the way). Then, last Friday, with your words as my inspiration, I met with my boss and resigned my job. I am now busy preparing my beloved Cheoy Lee 41 to leave Galesville, Maryland in four weeks and head South. I am sincerely and deeply sorry for your recent loss. However your heartfelt writings that resulted from this difficult event in your life were what finally woke me up and convinced me that it was time NOW to reject empty material rewards and go in search of my freedom and my soul, both of which I had lost to corporate America. I am soon following in your footsteps down the ICW and then to the Caribbean. I want to see your San Blas Islands. Perhaps our paths will cross out there somewhere. I hope so. It would be great to be able to thank you personally for inspiring me to take back my life. I owe you man, I owe you big time. I may even owe you my life. Rob
Aggresion is the way we can control the extremist ( both left and right). WE fight these battles to keep our economies growning and moving along. What good status quo? I say we nuke ’em all back to previous century. The USA”s armed forces are good at killing. That’s what we do. If the rest of the world doesn’t embrace Democracy and our way of life, then force feed it to them. No longer can ignore these small groups. They wnat to topple us, lets stomp them before they get too big.I’m all about American Imperislism; without it you couldn’t be sitting there in some nice quiet anchorage. No you’d be working for some Totalriem Regime. There would be no freedoms, just more rules ans regulations. Go ahead see Hugo Chavez has in store for you. So don’t say TV is poison…Art imitating life? maybe.And as for you losing your girlfriend…$hit happens…Defender of the Fatih…
Sam spade, wow, there really are people like you eah? Have you seen much of the world or its people, I assume not. You sound like a very afrade man. Nuke em eah? We are the only nation that has ever done that, my ex was from Nagasiki. Yes we nuke’d two cities of people, not soldgers. It was bad form to say the least. If you use obsineties on my website again I’ll delete your account. Not because of your words or feeling, you are entitled to them. I have kids reading. If we are to speak of politics it will be with an open mind It dosent seem like you have one.
yachtastaea, you go WOOT!!! I’m excited for you. The ICW is a fun trip. Head off for the bahams febuary or march, the cold fronts should be quieting down by then. If you need any advice or have questions please feel free to email me any time.
I second the Cartagena comment. Found myself broken hearted in that same neck of the woods this time last year. Doing a few backpacker runs, more for the fun than the money, can sure help. If you want a co-blogger for the offsite sentiments just say the word.
Hmmm, my sister in law will be in Cartagena next week. Single, cute, your age…. just sayin’. 8*)
Cheers Alex,
Janis Joplin passed away on Oct. 04 1970. Was it a coincidence ? same date as your blog ! On other news, just sold my boat, a 1983 Hunter 34, couldn’t afford marina payments.
All the best.
Luis (sad) in Toronto
Well all I can say is, “Now you’re thinking…”
Welcome back. That’s the crazy loon that we all fell in love with. Keep it up. Get busy and play.
Later Amigo…
Capt. Pau
s/v Panacea
P.S. I’ll be home tomorrow. It will be good to see the sea again.
Seems like everyone agrees with you Alex. And I intend to downsize to a much more sustainable level as I retire from the rat race in a couple years.
I’d like to offer a counter thought to you.
What if everybody joined your revolution, or if all humans had embraced the concept from the beginning? We’d probably not have wars, or even bar fights for that matter. We’d also not have any of the artifacts of your current reality. I believe, unfortunately, that the social machine you rail against is responsible for both the good and evil of contemporary life. The same construct that brought us WWII also brings us the industry which built your boat, your cameras, antibiotics, and the very communication vehicle we are currently using to exchange thoughts. I don’t think you really want to start a revolution where we all disband into tiny family clans and pursue our individual hopes and dreams. Maybe you do, but I don’t think you’ve considered the true consequences. I think all you want to do is embrace some “Eastern” philosophy in how you conduct your own life, in harmony with your surroundings, and free from want. Another song quote “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.” – Sheryl Crow
You truly are one of the most introspective guys I’ve ever stalked in the Blogosphere.
Done any sailing lately?
Don,
I’m not against “societies” or “technology”, I just think we need to be in harmony with the world around us, and sometimes “wars” do need to be fought; I just wish we would do it for the right reasons and not just for money, power, or oil. What scares me is there really are people out there that would condone using weapons of mass destruction (nuking) in the name of “freedom” or progress. I’m more of the “protect my borders and deliver the mail” theory.
Lee, yes delivering backpackers can be fun, always cute girls around. But you know finding cute girls down here isn’t the problem.
My plans have changed a little. I have a friend coming in about a month and we are going to go to the San Blas for a while. I’d rather finish up the rainy season out there then here. The water is getting pretty muddy and nasty from all the rain.
I’m sick as a dog today, caught the flu, ARRRGGGG!
Hi Alex,
You are doing some deep thinking, good for you. You can get good prescription glasses at zennioptical.com. You need to give them your prescription, it takes about 2 weeks. I have gotten about 10 pair of glasses from them and they have all been good.
Good Luck,
Glenn
Alex, we are in the same spot in our lives… IN LIMBO… a friend emailed me today with some very wise words… he wrote: “ya know when you are doing the LIMBO, people keep chanting, HOW LOW CAN YOU GO! I suggest a new dance in your life… perhaps the lambada…” We need to get out of LIMBO and get a MOVE ON! I’ll slap the crap out of you if you do the same for me! (I prefer a swift kick in the arsssss to get me motivated!) I used to check your website EVERYDAY to see how your sailing adventure was panning out! I couldn’t wait for your next video to be posted! That’s your calling… film making! (even short YouTube films!) Put that drink down and pick up your videocamera!!! Show the world… no! show yourself what your made of! I’ll be rooting you on buddy! Here’s to tapeless camchorders and 2 TB disk drives! :)
Alex, you have helped me keep the faith through some pretty tough times. I am on the way up, but need to rise only high enough to spring the bonds that keep me on land.
Thanks mate.
PS: Rob on Astraea – good to hear you are getting back to reality :-)