I’m back to bitching!!!

Remember me, the guy with the good attitude, he’s dead, never to return!!!

I don’t know that I can do this anymore. My startor motor died. I don’t have a spare because they are a Volvo part and over $800.00. I can bypass the solenoid and get the starter motor spinning, however it will not engage with the flywheel.

My beautiful boat is trashed. Crackers, peanuts, sugar, soap, coffee, are ground into all the corners and litter the floor from getting my ass kicked by weather, and I’ve just been informed another front is heading my way. That stupid soot from trying to burn thinner is all over everything and I just want to scream!!!!!

I’ve been in the engine room for hours. I pulled the starter and alternator off cleaned up the starter and put it back on. I am covered in motor grease along with my cushions and clothes. My ribs and shoulder are bruised and ache all day. I don’t have the energy to clean in these sea conditions. After sailing half way around the world I’m just realizing I like coastal cruising. I wish I was back in Panama, Colombia, Mexico or some place like that. I don’t need to prove anything to myself anymore! I dont need to conquer the world!

1000 miles from nowhere SUX the big one.

I have no way of charging the batts save for solar and wind. I’m feeling pretty hopeless. At this point I’ll have to call the French Navy to tow me into Noumea. when I get close. I’ll have to hand steer during the day to conserve batteries, run with no lights at night, and only use the Auto Pilot when I think I can sleep.

I’m done, put a fork in me and plug me back into the matrix.

I want nice clean cloths, a girlfriend, I want to eat in nice restaurants again and sleep in a warm dry bed that doesn’t throw me through a table in the night. I want my friends. I WANT TO GO TO A DINNER PARTY AND DRINK TOO MUCH WINE!!

Its funny so many people follow my life, and right now I hate it. I want a bath, a shave.

So many of you have praised me for my efforts, I feel like I’m failing. I’M JUST F’N TIRED!!! I want to finish my DVD and spend the days writing, swimming, and spearfishing again and enjoying the sailing life!

I’m sorry I feel really low. Another front is coming and I have no motor. I dread the idea of sleeping in the rain tonight so I can peak at the horizon.

I’m really at my end here.

Cruising like this is not my idea of fun, as a matter of fact IT SUCKS!!!

How is that for a crappy log , I don’t even have question marks for god sakes!

War, Hate, and McDonalds

– Alex