CHI

Time is a funny thing, especially for one who tries to control it. Unfortunately we all try to control time. I know it’s a fruitless effort for me to try and shape my expectations, why do I continue to do it? I’ve really been bitching about my time here in Panama, waiting…, waiting for this damn package…, but perhaps I needed this time?

I wouldn’t be on this trip if my engagement hadn’t exploded into a fiery ball of flames five years ago. I’ve never been able to let this woman go, and a few months ago I found out she’s getting married the first week of April. It’s really been bothering me and adding to all the other stress I’ve been complaining about.  Well last night I decided I needed to talk to her. After an emotional hour on the phone, I got something I wasn’t expecting, closure! Before I can start this new chapter in my life, I needed to finish the last one. I feel so much better it’s ridiculous. She’s a wonderful woman, and I’m really happy she’s found her place in life.

Last night I lay in bed thinking of the past months and my accomplishments, and realized I’ve missed all the details.

My mother past away when I was 20 and my father is not a part of my life. However I do have a half-sister I haven’t seen since I’ve been fourteen. Well…, a few weeks ago she found me on the internet. We exchanged a few emails, and a lengthy phone call. I also spoke to her mother (My X Step-Mom), who agreed to buy her a ticket to visit me in New Zealand. How cool is that? I have a sister.

How is it I could have a laptop, 2 video cameras, a diesel motor, an alternator and voltage regulator all fail within a 3 month period? Not to mention the theft of my outboard. For some reason beyond my control I’ve needed to be here in Panama.

I’ve also made some good friends during this time, and you know what? I wouldn’t trade this time for being in the Marquesas now.

I’m going to make a conscious effort to surf my Chi again and follow my path in life. Reading my own logs I realize that I stopped doing that about 3 months ago, just about the time everything went to hell and a hand basket.

Waking up on this beautiful Sunday morning, my smile is a bit longer, and my perspective back in place.

Peace, Love and Coconuts everyone.

Alex