Loss

I’m sorry for not posting lately, but this last month has been exceptionally arduous.

This is the first time I haven’t wanted to share my feelings, but I suppose I must say something.

I don’t think Samantha and Guinevere will return home.

No matter how hard I wish it I’m not Guinevere’s father and he has made life quite impossible for me. Or perhaps it’s my entire fault? I don’t really know but I suppose it was inevitable. So many of my friends told me this would happen but I’m a willful man and had to try. I believe failure is the absence of effort, and by not acting on the chord of my heart when I fell in Love with Samantha would have been dishonest to my spirit. I pray that I haven’t been too selfish.

In the end…, I fear sailing away with my girls was just a dream.

Samantha was the most beautiful soul I’ve ever known. My time with her was a precious gift and I’m a very fortunate man to have shared so much Love, tenderness, years, and miles with such a lovely woman. She is truly exceptional! Guinevere brought a light to my heart that I didn’t know existed. I will miss them…, endlessly!

I do feel so very low and need time to pull myself together. I’m a bit lost and have misplaced my bearings. I don’t know what to do or where to go, and I’m quite confused.

I think I’ll go back to the Pacific or cross the Atlantic after the New Year. Truthfully I feel like tossing the compass overboard and sailing into the sea for a spell, but for now I’m going to return to the San Blas. I know a little island where no one else goes. The anchorage is a bit tough to get into and rugged but once inside it has a protected lagoon. There is good spear fishing and solitude. I believe it will provide the supplies and time I need reflect and heal. I will leave after I receive a package from the states in a week or so.

Samantha, if I’ve hurt you in any way I’m so very sorry.

That’s all I’m going to say about this, I don’t want to open a discussion.

I’m sorry for sounding so dark and will start posting again when I have something positive to offer.

Peace, Love, and, …?

Alex